04 October 2016


never-ending drumbeat of sixty-eight beats in chest
light spreads across pale cheeks
breath freezes in air
slip on last stair
mug scalds fingertips
i abhor it all.

how many times have i promised myself that one day
i should again behold the oceans of blue hidden in the shadows
waves cascading over me
promised myself that i should again break the surface, determinedly gasping more air

how many nights have i faced the darkness!
felt it fall soft on my heart, you are strong, you are brave, you will find the end
finally fallen asleep at dawn, pillow soaked with tears

but yesterday
when i screamed your name to the skies
& my own voice was thrown back at me
mocking mocking

it was then when i felt the truth, at last.

there is nothing left.